Sunday, February 13, 2011

My Marriage Encounter Weekend

February 13, 2011 --  Today, a day before Valentines day..i just felt it as an ordinary day. Maybe because i have to report to office on a sunday and work, and because the day was simple. My family went to church, cooked and shared lunch with the family.

And then, while i was thinking of something to write on my blog, i came across my friends in ME..It was months since i've seen our friends from this community and with an ME weekend coming this March.. I decided to read my blog again about it and share it on my new blog...

After reading my blog... I felt renewed was like i just graduated from my ME weekend..Inspired again to pass it forward..

Being a realistic person, i'm aware of the hardship of committing to a relationship nowadays. Especially, building a family of your own.. Be it your decision or fate brought it to you... Sometimes, we need help from our peers or someone to show us how its done the right way. We are not perfect, we cannot live by ourselves... we need help from others...  I am only starting my family.. and thru ME, ive been taught how to handle tough times... I may not be perfect and and for sure, i will stumble again, but i know where to stand again,, i believe in my marriage and i will hold on to it...

Read on my previous blog, and i hope to touch your heart and give in to the experience....

MY MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER WEEKEND - originally written May 27, 2009

May 22-24, 2009 at La Sallete Retreat House, Silang Cavite, My husband, Melvin and Me attended our MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER WEEKEND.

My youngest son, Kent, was having continous fever for a week. We thought it was only because he was teething ( he's on his 7th month, that time). He was irritated all the time, we're having difficulty in feeding him milk. He doesn't want to be left alone. Then on the 5th day, when we thought his fever has subsided, rashes started showing all over his body, We bought him immediately to the hospital. Based on the lab test and checkups, he had a rasiola (Tigdas Hangin). A mild viral sickness very common to infants his age and will eventually go away. We just have to prevent convulsions due to high fever. Thankfully, his fever never came back and by the 6th & 7th day, he was on his way to recovery.
By that same week, my husband's company was planning a day-trip company outing in Villa Escudero,Quezon Province. At the same time, my family was having a reunion that same weekend. Since my kid was sick, i decided not to go. I decided that my kid needs me most. But my husband still went to their company outing. Since it was only a day-trip, i reluctantly agreed. His reason was he will have to pay for the budget set for him if he cancel. He went home that same night from the day-trip.

Then come the next day. He told me, this time they will be going to zambales. This time for a department outing. I told him, i dont like him to go, but he insist. This resulted to anrgument. I screemed just to tell him how much i sacrificed just to be with out kid, and then he would be somewhere enjoying themselves. I felt soooooo jealous and felt it was unfair for me and my kid. But despite our argument, he still went to Zambales...

I was sooooooooo angry at what he's done. Kaya ginawa ko, sa galit ko, tinawagan ko sya at pinagmumura ko sa telepono. Alam ko naririnig nya ako, pero hindi sya sumasagot, na lalo kong ikinagalit. Kaya ang ginawa ko, isinako ko lahat ng gamit nya, polo, pantalon, brief, pambahay,sapatos, tsinelas. Medyas lang yata nakalimutan ko. Sa galit ko sa kanya, pinadala ko lahat sa nanay nya sa Laguna lahat ng gamit nya para hindi na sya umuwi sa bahay namin. Pagkatapos, tnext ko sya na binigay ko na sa nanay mo lahat ng gamit mo. Wag ka nang umuwi dito.

Come the next day. Umuwi pa rin sya sa bahay. Ang point nya, kaya sya umalis ayaw nyang sabayan ang galit ko. Ang point ko, hindi sya dapat umalis dahil nagpapagaling pa lang yung bunso namin. Hindi rin naman makatarungan na ako sinakripisyo ko yung family reunion ko, para magalaga ng anak namin. Tapos sya! 2 magkasunod na outing. Sobra namang pagpapasarap yun! Kaya talgang galit na galit ako sa kanya. Sabihin na nilang senti ako pero dapat sa katulad nyang 2 na ang anak, sobra na ang mga lakad nya. Lagi na lang namin pinagaawayan ang mga out-of-town nya, dahil nga mountaineer kami pareho, siguro akala nya na ok lang sakin yung pagalis alis nya. Hayyyy utak mountaineer talga! Pardon my judgement, pero halos lahat kasi ng kakilala kong mountaineer puro yabang nasa utak. Senya na mga kapatid, nagpapaka totoo lang...!

Sobrang eksena sa bahay namin that night. Talagang determined akong paalisin siya ng bahay sa galit ko sa knya. Hinamon ko pa sya na kung hindi sya aalis, kami ng anak nya ang aalis. So habang nag papack ako ng gamit ng mga anak ko, eh tinawagan nya ang mommy ko, pati mommy nya. Nakikiusap sya na pakiusapan ako na wag na umalis at wag na rin sya paalisin. Pero talgang determined ako paalisin sya. Sa sobrang ayaw kong papigil, nasuntok ko sya, sinipa, kinagat... Pero lahat yung tinanggap nya, buti nga di sya gumanti, baka kung saan ako pulutin. Sa laki nya, durog durong ako pag nagkataon. Saktan ko na lang daw sya, wag ko lang sya palayasin...

In short, sa sobrang tagal naming nagpipigilan at naghahatakan, napagod ako. Kaya humupa ako. Kaya dinaan ko na lang sa iyak. Sabi ko sa knya, Hindi ko talaga sya kakausapin sa sobrang galit ko sa knya. Kaya umalis na lang sya. Pero hindi pa rin sya umalis. Reason nya, lalong lalala ang situation kapag umalis sya or ako. Nagiyakan na lang kaming 2. Laking pasasalamat ko kay Glen at nandun sya para maging referee namin.

After that night, our routine around the house went to normal, aside from the fact that i'm totally not talking to my husband. We eat at the same table, but we dont talk. I slept in karl's room while he stayed with Kenneth for the whole night. But he still attempts to talk to me, but i dont respond. As if i dont hear him talking. Im determined to make him feel sorry. On the 3rd day, he told me, he miss me. But im still cold. Though im hurting inside, im determined to make him realize our importance.

During that week, when my mind and feelings are in turmoil. I seek advise from mommies from Smart forum. That was the time when i saw Mommy Frances' invitation to join the Marriage Encounter Weekend. With no second thought, i signed up for the Weekend, even without consenting with my husband.  I know this will be an opportunity for us settle our issue. Both our families were very supportive to us and volunteered to take care of the kids and the house while we're gone for the weekend. As to my husband, i didnt gave him any other choice other than to be with me.. hehehe


NIGHT 1. When we were asked to introduced our partner, we are to tell one endearing characteristic of our partner. With no doubt i told them how my husband is a very responsible father to our kids. And my husband introduced me as a patient wife. When we were alone, i asked him, why did he described me as a patient wife, considering our last fight. He told me, "kaya ka lang naman sumabog nung nagaway tayo, kasi pinipigil mo yung galit mo sakin". Nice answer...

DAY 1. We awoke ahead of the other couples that day. We wanted to take a walk around the place and find our "spot". And we did found it. It was a shaded bench under the big acacia tree, facing a wide pond. Picture Perfect! Sabi nga ng husband ko, Kahit walang camera, he will still remember that spot. With coffee and some biscuits that we shared, we talked about our marriage, our kids, our plans and how we enjoyed the simpleness of our life.

Still in day 1. During the seminar, we are task to answers reflection questions and write our answers in forms of love letters to our partner. then after the reflections we will have a dialoge with our partners and talk about what we wrote. During those exercises, i was able to express my thoughts to my husband. Also, more importantly, i was able to realize that i was being bossy with him. He told me as As if im the king of the house. I explained why i was like that and he understands. We also made compromises on our shortcomings.
We were taught to accept that our life as a couple is still bound to have problems and trials along the way because of our differece as individuals. But through acceptance and strong bond between the two of us and also with God's guidance, we will be able to go through it all.

DAY 2. We woke up early again, Walk around the garden and talked on our favorite spot. But this time, i felt so secured and hopeful that all things will be better from now on. I felt, we're a renewed married couple. I was certain, that i want to be with this man for the rest of my life. I was more that ready to face the trials. I was ready to be what i am. And most importantly, i was thankful for this path that i have taken.

Day 2. Since this was our last day, we were tasked to write a letter to God. In my letter, i thanked the person who posted the MEW invitation and all the other people who made that weekend possible. I also thank Him for making me realize that marriage is not an easy task but He'll guide me along the way. He made me thankful  and more appreciative of my husband and the other blessings that He gave me during our marriage. I was so eager to go home that day, to start the rest of our lives together. I also realized that there are more couple who have more bigger problems than we have and for that, i feel blessed.

We graduated from our Marriage Encounter Weekend that day, but what i learned and my realizations will be my guide in the continuation of my marriage. I also met a bunch of new circle of friends. These are what i call worthy friends because they intend to support me and my husband throughout our marriage. And for that, i am thankful.

After the marriage encounter, we will undergo a 90-day evaluation of our marriage. And then after that, when we're worthy enough, we can influence other couples to enjoy an ME weekenend. And be blessed, like how we've been blessed.

Now, my husband and I started anew. As we we're taught that LOVE IS A DECISION, we have decided to continue with our marriage and to continue to be strong in all the trials.

To my husband, thank you for accepting and loving me, even with my shortcomings. I promise to be by your side always and forever. Thank you for giving me such beautiful family that i will treasure for the rest of my life.

To other wives out there, who have troubles in their marriage or even those with no troubles, i advise you to attend a Marriage Encounter Weekend.

Its worth it.

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