These past few days, I have been asking this question to myself.
Why? Because I have seen many events and happenings in my life that didn’t went well as planned, that I could have controlled but was not able to, because of my other commitments.
First… My Karl’s school achievements… As I’ve posted on my previous blogs, my first born son graduated from pre-school. Yes, he got a recognition for academic excellence, but I know down deep inside, as a mom, that my son could have done better.
In my mind I feel, that if I had more time with him, I could have cultivated him into an enthusiastic reader or maybe we could have reviewed and pushed him more during his exams. And he could have achieved more…
Second... I wanted more time at home…But because of work, I had to stay late and work. When I arrived home, my 2 kids are already asleep. In the morning, I only spend 30 minutes playing with them and the other 30 is for preparing for work.
Third… I forget things that I had and need to do… There was a time when I needed to call a school to inquire on their school admission process but forgot because I have to attend to a meeting. I’m blessed that hubby can take a leave at work and do this instead of me.
And many more ….
I envy mothers who personally took care of their child. And I observed that these kids excel in what they do, because their mother was with them and support them all the way…
Thus, this questions pops into my mind…
And it goes straight to the heart…my heart!
Crushing me and making me feel useless…
Am I really a bad mother?
At this point in my life, I’m still asking myself this question. I keep on asking this, as my motivation to be better, to spend more time with them—instead of work, to provide for them, to be the bestest mom they would ever have.
I will continue to furnish them with my love, in all the ways that I could think of.
Then I’ll ask myself once more, Am I a bad mother? And continue to be better…