Do I Want Another Child?

This questions pops into my mind everytime i'm delayed with my period, or sometimes, when another person ask this to me...

I always answer back... If God forbids, why not.

This is a safe answer just in case, i miscalculated my ovulation period and gotten pregnant again...

But honestly, as of this moment (January 6, 2011), deep in my heart, it's a No.

When i was still single and attached (i hope you know what i mean), when I'm asked of How many kids i want in the future, i would answer, with no 2nd thoughts, that i want to bear 4-6 children...For the reason, that it's happy to have a big family, with so many sisters and brothers in the family.

Now, that i'm already a mother of 2, my answer to that question is 2.

First reason: I am afraid.
I admit it. I am afraid.
I know myself to be a Realistic person. and Given by my capacity (Financial, Health, Intellectual), i can only sponsor for 2. Based on my experience as of now, raising kids is very demanding and I am afraid that i may not be able to raise and provide for them well, if i go beyond my limit.

Any parent would like to provide the best for their family, so i believe that this is the best for my family.

Second Reason: Logistics.
Simply put--I only have 2 hands. I and my husband will be the only person responsible in raising our kids. I may have my parents and brothers, but in reality, they should be minding their own life too.

Third Reason: Myself.
Aside from my family, i am also obliged to take care of myself. I should be able to balance my life of work, family, friends, romance, rest, recreation, health, wealth and faith. I'm not thinking only of myself, but i believe that when i'm balanced, then i can handle my family well.

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If ever my current situation changes ( financially, emotionally, Health), their is a possibility that my answer to this question may change. As of the moment, these are my thoughts

How do i do it? Simple. Faith in God and in my ovulation counting. Hahaha... Im not good with taking pills everyday, i always always forgot and i dont like the idea of injecting of putting something into my system.

When i read this blog again in the future, and i have more than 2 kids, it doesn't mean that i have not loved and took care of my kids, since God gave them to me, I will still be the Best Mom they will ever have. With God's guidance. Amen!