April 14-15, 2011 is the 60th & 61st day of Biggest Loser Challenge 2, Wednesday.
"Lowest Days"
This week has been a great test for me.. A test for my loyalty, my patience, my passion and my purpose...
In my career, i have never been in my lowest point until now. Or at least that's how i feel... There were times that i feel threatened that i might lose my job, thinking that my company does not value my importance to the organization anymore.
In the beginning i was willing to sacrifice more time for my project, but when so many things has been said and heard, it has taken toll in my mind, and i began to think of my value...
I began to feel self pity and was in the verge of breaking down...
I was planning to unwind and get a change in my environment during my Pulag trip, but it did not happen, so with nothing to look forward to, i sulk myself into this negative feeling i have inside until the end of the working week...
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.
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One Thursday morning, during my morning walk to the office, while listening to RX TMR, they played the song "The Climb"... And when i get to ponder on the lyrics, i realized that the song tells about what i'm feeling right now...
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking ,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction,
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying,
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb..
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down,
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it,
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah,
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong, Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move,
Always gonna be a uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle,
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing,
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb,
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
... Like every mountain that i climbed in the past, it challenges my physical capacity and my patience through the long walks (sometimes a day walk) just to reach the summit. And even with great exhaustion that i felt, i envision myself reaching the top and that made me keep going, one "baby step" at a time...
..then i realized that this is just another mountain that i have submitted myself to conquer, and this will again test my capacity... and like any mountain i climbed, i will eventually reach the top if i'm just patient and take it one step at a time...
So i decided to get hold of myself. Instead of feeling depressed and weak, i began to assert myself and face it...
I realized, that what i am experiencing right now, are results of my previous wrong decisions, and since this problem is facing me right now, i have to be humble and admit my mistakes, and do something to correct it... It has became a big problem now, because, i continue to refuse to handle it earlier...
I should never blame no-one, for these are all my actions. I tend to blame my current status to the wrong people, while all the while, it was all on me...
So, i started talking to my hubby, and make him feel how miserable i felt at work, and how i need to sacrifice a little more time, just to make up to my mistakes... And he understands... It seems that i just needed someone to share my feelings to. I may not heard the right words of advise from him, but his listening is just enough...
In my mind, i know what to do.. I'm just not accepting it. Plus, i need assurance and support from someone, who i know understands. I just hope, my hubby doesn't lose patience and gets tired of my wining.
As the song says, there will always be mountains and i will always want to move it.. there will also be time that i will lose my sanity... and might break me down...but i got to be strong for the people who rely on me, for my family most of all, and to my team mates... I got to get myself together again and learn from my mistakes... I just got to have faith to my Creator, that i can overcome these challenges with His guidance and my family's support and inspiration...
So now, i'm as dedicated to my work. I hope to be strong when unfortunate things happen, and be open-minded when dealing with people. And be excited for more opportunities to come...
As i'm ending my work week, i plan to rest and clear my mind. I'm planning to exhaust myself with many chores to do this weekend, that would clear my mind from work. Looking forward to the next days ahead of my ever challenging career....
Breakfast: 1/2 cup rice. Chicken Oyakudon
Lunch: 1/2 pineapple
Dinner: 1/2 pineapple, 1 cup
Nestle Fitnesse and Fruit
Workout: AM: 33 minute walk(Thursday-Friday)
45 minute Jog with Harold (Thursday)
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