Just when my career is shaky....
Just when we are having marital problems...(who don't?)
Just when we are having domestic problems... (wanted:yaya!)
Just when financials are unstable...(kaka enroll lang..)
God gave me something to be happy and excited about...
A blessing of a new baby...
The first time i had a hunch, i put it off, until i was 3 weeks delayed. Up until now, i'm still in a state-of-denial and what-nows... (This blog was drafted June 21)
That early morning, after looking at the 2-strip pregnancy test, i went back to bed, and all my mind could think about was im not ready... im not ready... I tried to sleep, but tears suddenly fell from my eyes... and i suddently wisphered "sorry" to my eldest son...
i felt guilty that my motherly love would need to be divided into 3 instead of 2.
i felt guilty that i am not financially ready to support 3 of them at the moment...that i may not give them a comfortable life anymore..
its bad enough that i spent 12 hours or more at work, with so little time with my 2 boys and now with another heart to break by not being with them all the time..i felt incompetent for this little one inside me...
plus i feel in my body, that i am not healthy-ready to embark on the hormonal changes this will bring... at 33, i feel that my body may not have sufficient energy and nutrients to pass on to this new little one...
Just when we are having marital problems...(who don't?)
Just when we are having domestic problems... (wanted:yaya!)
Just when financials are unstable...(kaka enroll lang..)
God gave me something to be happy and excited about...
A blessing of a new baby...
The first time i had a hunch, i put it off, until i was 3 weeks delayed. Up until now, i'm still in a state-of-denial and what-nows... (This blog was drafted June 21)
That early morning, after looking at the 2-strip pregnancy test, i went back to bed, and all my mind could think about was im not ready... im not ready... I tried to sleep, but tears suddenly fell from my eyes... and i suddently wisphered "sorry" to my eldest son...
i felt guilty that my motherly love would need to be divided into 3 instead of 2.
i felt guilty that i am not financially ready to support 3 of them at the moment...that i may not give them a comfortable life anymore..
its bad enough that i spent 12 hours or more at work, with so little time with my 2 boys and now with another heart to break by not being with them all the time..i felt incompetent for this little one inside me...
plus i feel in my body, that i am not healthy-ready to embark on the hormonal changes this will bring... at 33, i feel that my body may not have sufficient energy and nutrients to pass on to this new little one...
but as days go by (today is July 19), i began to accept. i began to feel excited for this new addition to the family. my hubby is no more than supportive of me, with my sudden mood changes and food cravings. Our parents were all praying for a baby girl this time and equally excited as well..
as for me... given the unplanned circumstances and timing, i believe this is a blessing... so i learned to accept. maybe i could never be able to plan a travel for the next 2 years or to pursue my learning to bike plan, but it's ok.
Life is still good ang beautiful.
Thank you Lord for the blessing...
